Music Blogs

Welcome to my new, weekly blog, in which I'll take you inside today's greatest videos and shed a painfully bright light on them.  I'm hoping this will be something you'll want to share with friends and family.

Please write as often as you can with your comments, insight, questions, and, if you're a professional lady, your phone number and picture.  It'll be the start of a meaningful dialogue!

This week we'll be looking at the video for Justin Timberlake's #1 dance hit, "What Goes Around Comes Around."  It's pretty long - about 10 minutes - so I'll be saving you a lot of time, our most precious resource, by distilling it for you.  Here's how it works: I do the hard part (watching the video) and then bring you the key moments you really need to see.  And I offer comments you really need to read.  Think of it as technology's final triumph.

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A - Let the credits roll!  As you can see, the video stars music's own Justin Timberlake, as well as Hollywood babe Scarlett Johansson..  So far, so good.

B - The title.  Notice the two ellipses, implying a pause too extreme to be contained by a single ellipsis.  Tension, thy name is Timberlake.

C - Although she has yet to even meet JT, Scarlett seeks solace in the booze, as must all celebrities who make rash, career-destroying decisions.

D- The set-up.  JT meets Scarlett, who is playing the role of a bored party girl.  He asks her if she works "at the club," by which he means "as a high-priced call girl."  Hey, you can't blame a guy for trying!

E - Scarlett decides to consult Gummo, The Sentient Bubble, who telepathically confirms this video wasn't the greatest career move ever.  Too late, Scarlett, the die is cast!

F - Pledging eternal fealty to Satan and his minions, JT will later be surprised to learn that the sacrifice of a nubile blonde is part of the deal!  Spoiler alert!

G - Owning the radio that broadcasts to 1939 is great, but not for the citizens of Poland, if you catch my drift.

H - See?  To save money, the "border incident" will be staged off-camera.

I - Declaring his leading lady impossibly hot, the director makes Scarlett jump into the water!

J - Meanwhile, back at the club, JT and Scarlett get together with the gang.  For some reason, JT's buddy finds himself attracted to Scarlett.

K-And here's the reason. 

L - The only way to stop attempted rape is by making pig noises!  Oink!

M - "Then you deny consulting the Bubble??!"

N - Scarlett runs and gets fuzzy all at the same time!  This is great!!!

O - Scarlett's car flips through the air, flips over and bursts into flame!  I've already forgotten that the song is the most trivial offering I've heard all year.

P - Remember, kids: women are always punished for their sexuality!  See you next time!