Miley Cyrus, Don't Let This Happen To You
Miley Cyrus needs to chill out. Just 16 years old, she's already acting like she's a stuck-up, erratic diva. She's pouting about not being granted access to Radiohead at the Grammys (best thing Radiohead ever did). She thinks she's got enough to say to write a memoir (a teenager writing an autobiography? WHAT?). Plus, she's dating "Nashville Star" flunky Justin Gaston, who is 20 years old (isn't that illegal, even in Nashville?).
Miley needs to step back and remember the scores of stories from superstars who let success go to their heads. These are the singers who became divas and started thinking the world revolved around them and that they could do whatever they wished without recrimination.
But every diva gets ditched sooner or later, and you're no exception, Miley. So remember humility, or do I need to remind you that your dad is the dude who recorded "Achy Breaky Heart"? By the way, the flipside of that single is a song called "I'm So Miserable." A coincidence? I don't think so.
Ms. Cyrus, here is your future if you don't change your ways.
GALLERY: See all ten of our stuck up divas
JENNIFER LOPEZ
Oh, J. Lo, what have you become? Jennifer Lopez came from humble beginnings. Born in the Bronx, her mom was a kindergarten teacher, and Jennifer worked in a legal office to pay for her dance lessons. What a difference ten years makes. Lopez has now ventured into every business imaginable, including pushing her own perfume. Nothing wrong with that: everyone needs to make a buck. You know what's lame? Insisting that hotel rooms be sprayed with her perfume before she arrives.
WHITNEY HOUSTON
Miley needs to look no farther than Miss Whitney to learn the dangers of shacking up with the wrong dude. Miley's 20-year-old boyfriend seems all right now. That's what everyone said about Bobby in the beginning. Sure, the young couple attends church together, but mark my words: it's only a matter of time before the teen queen is starring in a reality show called "Being Miley Cyrus." 'Nuff said.
MARIAH CAREY
All I have to say is this: it's a thin line between "Glitter" and "Hannah Montana: The Movie."
LINDSAY LOHAN
Closest in age to Miley, young Lindsay Lohan could be forgiven for her troubled behavior. After all, her dad is a former Wall Street trader convicted of stock fraud; he also was imprisoned after pleading guilty to driving while impaired and attempted assault. Her mother has been accused of drug abuse. Their daughter definitely has had her own problems, including a record of drug busts, DUIs, and altercations that rival that of the most troubled of divas. It's all more interesting than any of her music.
MADONNA
Madonna is the grand dame of bitchy divas. There's no boundary she's not willing to push, including dating dudes young enough to be her grandkid. She's the roadmap for Miley's future when 30 years from now we see her dating Nick Jonas' adopted grandson.
