Rock 'n Roll (and Tattoos) Never Forget
There’s this Matt Groening Life In Hell cartoon from way back that shows two old dudes who look like prunes and are covered in tattoos. One says to the other (I'm paraphrasing), "Oh, I see you were an idiot in the '90s too."
Andre 3000 is a long way from the old folks’ home, but he told the press last week that, "I had six silly tattoos done when I was young, and I bitterly regret them." He's thinking about having them removed but is wondering if the scars would look even sillier.
We're probably the most tattooed generation ever. More than 40 million people in America have at least one tattoo. Musicians rarely stop at one. That's too bad, because a whole bunch of those guys are eventually going to look really dumb playing bingo with their fellow senior citizens. The only thing worse than an old rocker is an old, tattooed rocker.
Here's my cautionary list of musicians who’ve made the biggest tattoo mistakes. Keep this blog post with you when you're drunk some Saturday night and headed for the studio to get inked.
JON BON JOVI - THE CORPORATE TATTOO
Jon reminds me of the Office Space-type dude who hides his Superman tattoo underneath his suit to remind him he's a rebel deep down inside. You know that guy. He listens to Bon Jovi records.
JOHN MAYER - PREP SCHOOL GUY TATTOO
One day John Mayer will wake up and remember that he's a middle class white guy from Connecticut whose mom was a teacher and dad was a high school principal. He'll look at his full-sleeve body art and wonder what made him pretend he was Henry Rollins’ half-brother.
OZZY OSBOURNE - SENILE OLD GUY TATTOO
No one wants to see their grandpa muttering to himself in the back yard, turning up his hearing aid, trying to rub the "O-Z-Z-Y" off his knuckles.
TOMMY LEE - "I USED TO BE RIPPED" TATTOO
"Mayhem" looks cool on your stomach when you’re in your '30s and cut. When 60 hits and you've got a big-ol’ beer belly? That just says, "Sad Old Man."
DAVE NAVARRO - "WHY DOES THAT WOMAN HAVE TATTOOS?" TATTOO
Here's the problem with Jane's Addiction's Dave Navarro: He looks more like his ex Carmen Electra each year, which makes the body art seem even more out of place. Ten years from now, he'll look like one of the Gucci-wearing, Rodeo Drive trophy wives with ink all over. It won't go down well at the country club.
See our picks for the most outrageous celebrity tattoos in our FlipBook.
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How about you get off your "I'm better than you because you hava a tattoo" pedestal Shawn Amos, and use this blog for what it's meant for.
You said "john mayer's tattoos are legit. theyre traditional japanese, he lived in japan for a year. you can only get the tattoos if you are respected by that culture, and you can't decide what they ink you with." First of all, you can get Japanese style tattoos pretty much anywhere, I know, I have a koi fish half sleeve, and I sure never lived in Japan, and I decided what I wanted. It's fun to pretend you know what you're talking about though
Now the green grass grows.
Bad wind came, blew down my home.
[profane] goodness knows!
Where green grass grows there can't be wrong.
And goodness knows, there ain't no right