Yes, You Are Too Old to Rock
Keith Richards just turned 65. Happy birthday, Keith. You don't look a day over dead.
I've got nothing against old people. My dad is old. Hell, I'm getting old. I do have something against old dudes rocking, which is different than old dudes playing music. I'll see Leonard Cohen anytime, anywhere, laying down his beatnik- Buddha vibe. He's the coolest dude on Earth and gets cooler the older he gets.
I'll watch Neil Young go on up to "Sugar Mountain" for the millionth time until one of us croaks. Watching Crazy Horse at this stage is another story. And watching Keith just scares me. Once the volume goes up, old dudes like him start looking kind of silly. What’s cool at age 20 looks ridiculous at 60. I'm with Jefferson Airplane's Grace Slick, who says old dudes shouldn't rock.
Here are five senior rockers who need to turn down the volume, pull down their skirts, and act their age.
PERRY FARRELL
The Jane's Addiction frontman turns 50 next year, and the East L.A.-hippie-shaman thing is looking kinda... old. Perry needs to bust out a cardigan and make a Chanukah album.
TINA TURNER
I gotta give it up to Tina. She just turned 70, and she's out there pushing harder than Gwen Stefani. Still, I don't want to see my grandma strutting around in hot pants with bare-chested dudes surrounding her. I get enough of that at my own house.
RONNIE JAMES DIO
Ol' Dio is looking like Gollum. He needs to trade in the black magic shtick and get himself a tux. I'd like to see him doing a Vegas act: Dio's Metal Melodies.
JOE COCKER
Another prime example of how age turns coolness into scariness. Back in the '60s, Joe's twisted grimacing was pure white-soul cool. Now he looks like he needs help.
OZZY OSBOURNE
Frankly, I'm amazed he can even find his way to the stage.
Check out our Too Old To Rock FlipBook to see more musicians who should pack it in.
I was was just a kid when rock started. A dumb ass like you needs to know that rock music is enjoyed by all ages in their own way of expression. Some day you'll be old and hopefully not as stupid as you are now.
they just havin fun and makin bucks doin it....as for tina turner.....gag.hurling over*...comon gurl....dress with some class
But Keith Richards and Perry Farrel need to settle down a little.
But hey if they wanna keep rocking fine by me.
Just stop pulling stunts that you did when you where 20.. and stop wearing clothes you wore when your career started.
Yes Keith you are INFACT to old to be jumping off stage moniters.
As for Tina..
I have a immense amount of respect for this women...
But come on.
Its time to hang up the silver jump suits and dress a little more your age,
There is INFACT a point in your life when your to old to be wearing tight golden jumpsuits.
Tina is at that point.
As for Ronnie James Dio, he was washed up the day he left Rainbow. Making a semi-decent albumn with Black Sabbath -- one, of course, that sounded nothing like Sabbath -- does not make you a metal god. Continuing to try to make such music, long after you were washed up, is just sad.
I can't comment on Perry Farrell, as I thought he was a has-been 20 years ago.
But keep your freekin' hands off Tina Turner. That lady can keep rockin' 'til they put her in her grave. She's got more class, more talent, & more soul in the shavings off her pinkynail, than 90% of the (c)rappers ripping her off today.
jammin'? Rock & Roll is witnessing it's first
senior citizens...and so are we. There's no
standard retirement for them to follow. More
power to them!
and successful albums and tours...hint,hint. His fans can spell his name. Do you really
think Dio has been "washed up" since Rainbow?
FOUR albums w/ Sabbath and over ten solo. Studios don't record bands unless they are
going to profit. Which album sounds "nothing
like Sabbath? How can Tony, Bill & Geezer not
sound like Sabbath? I respect peoples opinions
(when they are informed) but you can't tell
people they should give up when they're still
creating music that people enjoy. Google Dio Metal God. Your comments are based on a lack of knowledge on the subject.
Ol' Dio is looking like Gollum. He needs to trade in the black magic shtick and get himself a tux. I'd like to see him doing a Vegas act: Dio's Metal Melodies"
hehe, while I think ozzy still rocks(despite his off kilter ways), it's still an amusing article!
Heeeeyyy Shawn! *goupie hump* :S :D
Glad to see you're spreading such joy through the world!!! (Not!!!)
I must congratulate you on your career!!! (ibid) Your most positive, objective and professional oppinion deserves true praise. (:S) Strumming your guitar, singing to millions of people, touring throughout the world, selling millions of records and especially, staying in the business and being valid in popular culture for such a long time can't come easy. (Yes, yes... so... Who are you, again????)
Yet showing your face around is what we admire you most for. (ibid) Really: You're really putting yourself out there, have pictures taken everyday... I admire you. Really. I identify myself with you, because of your boldness, your surgically-enhanced beauty, your musical talent, and the deep, deep views about music you offer us everyday. (Well, I guess it could be worse.. yo, u cld b wwritng lk ds!!! yo!!! ... :S )
Oh, what would we do without your musical expertise, and your hypercreative, mentally- challenging writing??? (Oh, I get it. Theoretical knowledge was too mediocre and out of fashion, so you had to take it to the next level: stupidity, right? You go kid! just a couple more steps and you'll finally be considered an expert on that field! I'll even make you your own diploma. Congratulations!! Here: have a cookie.)
Oh dear master musician, oh Mr. entertainment, oh dear *reaching orgasmic state* oh dear Shawn Am.. Am... (I can feel my chakras imploding in discomfort... oh! there goes # 6!!)
...
Shawn, the one who shall not be named. *dazzled and confused¨* (A true music messiah: you wouldn't mind if I started a church, would you?)
*dies, flooded by blogger's stupidity*
Milalá
And lol @ Tina Turner. I find that hella funny.