Calling in Sick
Ya know, writing a blog isn't much different than being a musician on the road or an actor in a play: late nights, screaming fans, strange hotel rooms, bad food. For the two hours onstage, it's total bliss. Everything else in between is a mindless chore.
It's no wonder that some artists will do anything to get off the road. Everyone needs a break. I get that. Just tell me straight. Let me know you can't take it. Or let me know that your tour wasn't selling enough tickets so you had to pull the plug. Or you had better things to do. Whatever the reason, If you're gonna call in sick to work, at least come up with a good excuse. You hear me, Jeremy Piven? That "mercury toxicity" thing was WAY lame.
These artists have the sorriest concert cancellation excuses ever.
BO BICE
Excuse: "Has to immediately return to the studio to complete album"
The American Idol runner-up had been dropped from his label and was playing the House of Blues circuit last year when he cancelled three gigs to "immediately return to the studio" to record a follow-up album. Really? You have no label deal, you're playing HOB gigs, and you have to rush into the studio? Who's waiting for the record? No one, apparently. See The Light peaked at #150 on the Billboard 200.
AEROSMITH
Excuse: "Don’t have their gear"
The Toxic Twins cancelled a sold-out show in Maui, saying they weren't able to get their gear to Hawaii on time from a gig a few days earlier in Chicago. Meanwhile, the band hopped over to neighboring island Oahu to play a private show for a bunch of Toyota car dealers. They got paid $1 million, a lot more than that Maui gig for a just a bunch of paying fans. Who cares about paying fans, right?
WHITE STRIPES
Excuse: "Acute anxiety"
After touring Canada in support of their 2007 Icky Thump release, Jack and Meg were all set to conquer the U.S. when they abruptly cancelled the tour due to Meg's "anxiety problems." Maybe she didn't want to compete with the Raconteurs.
GUNS N' ROSES
Excuse: "Finishing Chinese Democracy"
It only seems like yesterday. Axl's newly minted Guns N' Roses line-up was all set to tour in 2002 to support their new album, Chinese Democracy. Only problem? There was no new album. Oh, and Axl decided not to show up for most of the gigs. I guess no excuse is almost as good as a lame excuse.
FRANK ZAPPA & THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION
Excuse: "Some stupid with a flare gun burned the place to the ground"
I'm throwing this one on the list just because it's so legendarily cool and bizarre. Zappa and the Mothers were playing a show in Montreux, Switzerland, when some dude in the crowd shot a flare gun and burned the club down. So no, the gig wasn't cancelled; it was stopped. And no, it's not an excuse. But it's a damn good rock story and the inspiration for the FM radio staple "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple, who probably made up some lame excuses for canceling gigs at some point in their career.
THE LAME EXCUSES CONTINUE...
