Music Blogs

Happy Valentine's Day. I'm talking to everyone who doesn't have a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband. For all of you, this is the cruelest day of the year. A dozen thorny roses thrown in your face and a candy heart stone in your shoe. The radio is filled with "songs of romance" marathons, and the TV streams every sappy chick flick from the last 20 years. It's heartless.

Thankfully, there are a handful of singers and songwriters who haven't forgotten love's underbelly. There are some cynics out there who remember what it's like to sheepishly say, "One, please" at the movie theater box office. This list is for you. This is your Valentine's Day card.

xo
sa


BEN FOLDS FIVE: "Song for the Dumped"
This track from Ben Folds Five's 1997 major label debut was overshadowed on the charts by the haunting single "Brick." It's "Dumped," though, that cuts with a big sarcastic knife. Folds knows a thing or two about breakups: he's on his fourth marriage.

J. GEILS BAND: "Love Stinks"
The mother of all anti-love songs. In fact, I'm gonna say that this 1980 single started a whole industry of anti-love songs. I don't care if it's true or not. It feels true, and that's what blogging is all about: feelings over facts. And when I hear this, I swear I'll never fall in love again. Hey, wait a minute, wasn't that a 1968 Burt Bacharach/Hal David song? Oh well, there goes my theory.

JOY DIVISION: "Love Will Tear Us Apart"
Whereas most breakup/she done me wrong/love stinks songs have a hint of hope or irony infused somewhere in the melody or vocal, this one cuts to the bone. Ian Curtis' song is haunted, horrible, and hurts beyond belief. Now, of course, we all know how real it was for Curtis; he took his life less than a month after the song's release.

GEORGE MICHAEL: "Careless Whisper"
This 1984 single proves that breakup songs can be just as cheesy as love songs. In fact, this one wins the GetBack Cheesiest-Ever Breakup Song Award. The tune was written three years earlier, when George Michael was just another unknown dude with a broken heart.

NEIL YOUNG: "Only Love Can Break Your Heart"
Folkie breakup songs always run the risk of getting overly maudlin. Not Neil. He just lays it down plain and bare. This 1970 single from "After the Gold Rush" was supposedly written by Graham Nash after he and Joni Mitchell called it quits.

THE POLICE: "Can't Stand Losing You"
Leave it to Sting to give you a white reggae groove to dance away your heartbreak. The Police single was their second to be banned by the BBC. The first, "Roxannne," was refused play because the heroine of the song is a hooker. "Can't Stand Losing You" got shut out initially because of the cover art: drummer Stewart Copeland standing on a melting block of ice with a noose around his neck. That's some serious heartache.

SOFT CELL: "Tainted Love"
Originally recorded by Gloria Jones in 1964, it's Soft Cell's '81 version that gave a generation of heartbroken androgynous synth-pop freaks something to cry about. The b-side of the single is another heartbreak anthem: The Supremes' "Where Did Our Love Go?"

SCANDAL: "Goodbye to You"
Patti Smyth and her band had a hit with this single in 1982. It's like a new wave version of "I Will Survive." Smyth has actually had a surprisingly heartbreak-free life. After a two-year relationship with NYC proto-punk Richard Hell, she's been married to John McEnroe since 1997.

NANCY SINATRA: "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'"
Not even Jessica Simpson's miserable cover version can erase the memory of Sinatra's 1966 original. It's the blueprint for every you've-done-me-wrong song to follow. Writer Lee Hazelwood's advice to Sinatra before she sang it? "Pretend you're a 16-year-old brushing off a 40-year-old man." Creepy.

SHERYL CROW: "Anything But Down"
Between Eric Clapton and Lance Armstrong, Sheryl Crow has had more than her share of heartache. At least she got a good tune out of it. Plus, she's the prime example of those women who end up looking a lot better after a breakup.

DARYL HALL & JOHN OATES: "She's Gone"
It's been more than 35 years since its 1973 release, but this is still the best breakup song of all time. Both guys were ending relationships, and the result is the finest tune they ever wrote together (Hall agrees). And that high note at the end is the icing on the smashed-up wedding cake. Play it again and again until all the hurt is gone.

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