Mariah: Mama Said Knock You Out
Mariah sure knows what she's doing.
Have you seen her "Touch My Body" video? It prompted me to write her a letter.
Dear Mariah,
Great video. Good job MC. Considering the popularity of the geek slap stick films Superbad, 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up it was genius to incorporate the idea into your "Touch My Body" video. What a treat it must have been for 30 Rock page Jack McBrayer to roll up to the mansion in the Compu Nerd Wolkswagon Bug only to have you open the door for him in your underwear? How did you pick him? This is funny. I'm going to watch it again, again, and again.
How are you able to make this whole music thing look so easy. You stepped in the ring in 1989 with "Vision Of Love," and nearly 20 years later, you are still knocking out the competition.
[Whispering] I know we don't like to talk about this, but you're almost 40, but you're hanging with the baby girls. Dang. Go Mariah!
If Janet's Discipline album debuted today at No. 1, selling a buck eighty during its first week on sale, I wonder what E=MC2 is going to do on Wednesday, April 23 when its first week numbers are revealed. Might then E=Discipline2? (I'm just joking Janet.)
Mariah, I know you're going to uphold your status as the best selling female artist of all time. Hopefully, that's a title that won't get Aretha Franklin upset.
Best,
Billy J
Here's why Mariah is different from the other Queens. The answer is in Glitter and the decisions it prompted her to make.
Mariah really believed that her pre-Glitter 'Tommy Motolla and J. Lo are out to get me' meltdown was going to sell her some movie tickets and soundtracks, thus jumpstarting her new $81.6 million, four album deal with Virgin Records. But when that approach backfired, MC fired back.
Mariah left Virgin Records after only releasing one of those four albums. But that one album that sold just 1 million copies, compared to the 5 to 10 million albums she generally sells, had to earn her the biggest payout. She signed to Virgin for a $81 million deal, but she walked away with $49 million after only releasing ONE album. She essentially received 60 percent of the profits for doing 25 percent of the work. Sorry Frank Lucas and Jay-Z, I think this makes her the true American Gangster.
Turned out that the so-called Glitter flop was better than any medicine Dr. Phil could have prescribed. It was the reality check Mariah needed to prompt her to get her career back on track. You would have thought Mariah was a single mother with five hungry kids. She singed with Island Def Jam, threw the Charmbracelet together really quickly, and started gearing up for The Emancipation Of Mimi.
The Emancipation came back so hard that it reminded me of that scene from the Color Purple when Sophia told Celie that she had to beat up her husband Harpo. "All my life I had to fight," Sophia said. "I had to fight my daddy. I had to fight my uncles. I had to fight my brothers. A girl child ain't safe in a family of men, but I ain't never thought I'd have to fight in my own house!" Mariah's comeback gave me those kind of chills.
Mariah went from Glitter to "We Belong Together" which set a BDS record for having the largest one-day and one-week total audience.
That's a comeback.
That's why people don't talk about Glitter anymore because Mariah has new news, and today it's the "Touch My Body" video.
All artists struggling to make a comeback please take note. If Mariah won't start doing workshops, please pick up her catalog and do your own research. In memory of the late famous attorney Johnnie Cochran I must rhyme, "Make a hit, they will forget." It is not that complicated.
Now that Mimi has been emancipated, she's back to doing what she does best: taking off her clothes, singing seductively and forcing on us that unnecessary, yet impressive, high pitch octave range.
If she couldn't sing so well and write and produce, she would be just another struggling, bargin bin wannabe diva.
But it is amazing that she has maintained relevancy for 20 years like no other pop artist has done.
Mariah, sometimes you get on my nerves, as do some of my relatives, but I still love you. You are a great talent.
How you manage to do this at nearly 40 is remarkable. As our old friend MC Hammer used to say, Please don't hurt 'em. And I mean that.
if pop singers really had great voices, they wouldn't have to use microphones and enhancers. They are entertainers, not actual singers. A real singer is an opera singer, no mics, no enhancers, no studio help. You either can fill a theater with just your voice or you can't. Real talent, vs say an American Idol version of talent.