The 2009 Rock N’ Roll Hall Of Fame Inductees
And since I don't know how to do a list of nine, I'm adding my own #10 who is not eligible for the Hall Of Fame but would be if I had my druthers! However, drutherless, we head into the future.
I've ranked them in order of how it will probably go down, if these things are as dictated by money, prestige and a love for all things odd as they seem to be.
10) Bobby Sherman: I'm just making up here for leaving him off my Top 25 Teen Idols. I had no idea that Bobby had such long lasting appeal. And if the people at the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame had any sense, they'd admit Bobby before his pitchfork wielding masses threaten to burn down the damn structure for good.
9) War: Considering how the Hall of Fame works, I see these guys as being a gratuitous nod towards an era that the Hall isn't all that interested in to begin with. If this ceremony is all about ratings and audience share, War simply don't have the audience draw or the cultural cache to make them likely to overcome the competition.
8) The Stooges: I hope to be proved wrong here. And maybe Iggy and the Stooges performing a Madonna tune at last year's ceremony was a wake-up call to the voters to let Iggy and his buddies in. But the Hall has an aversion to bands who didn't sell well and could be considered too loud by polite standards.
7) Bobby Womack: Bobby just had a few of his album reissued by a major label, so there's always a chance that some influential people will be listening. But it doesn't seem to be enough to overcome the obvious competition.
6) Wanda Jackson: I'd love to see Wanda get in. And if Little Anthony and the Imperials stumble out of the gate, there's a chance that we'll be seeing Wanda instead. You figure the Hall will only admit one "Oldies" act per year, lest they be thought of as an old folks home. Then again, I don't think you'd call Wanda an old person--to her face. Unless you were looking to have your rear kicked.
5) Little Anthony And The Imperials: The Hall of Fame will want to acknowledge some sort of old history, something that won't make it to the prime broadcast or can be shuttled off to the end of the program if things are running late, so we'll assume that a "Doo-Wop" group will fill that slot for them. How it was determined that these gentlemen would represent all of Doo-Wop this year remains a secret unlikely to be revealed, since chances are no one knows in the first place.
4) Jeff Beck: Can Jeff Beck pull it off? Will Rod Stewart lobby for his inclusion? Will Eric Clapton lend a helping hand? Jeff Beck's a pretty weird guy who has never been able to stay focused long enough to keep a band together until their impact is fully felt. Instead, he goes back and tinkers with his old cars. Will he leave the garage for the ceremony? He has major record labels who would to resell his back catalog...what do you say people?
3) Chic: I've been to enough weddings to know that even people who don't know anything about music know about Chic. They may not recognize Nile Rodgers and Bernard Edwards for the fine musicians they are, but they know "Good Times" and "Le Freak" must be played at every wedding reception ever, unless the bride and groom have a death wish. The Hall will acknowledge this accomplishment.
2) Run-D.M.C.: I don't think most of the voters know much about hip-hop. But they know there was a show about Run's House and a Grammy nomination and a performance at Live Aid that had to be better than whatever it was Bob Dylan did that night. And surely if they perform, the kids (anyone under 60) will enjoy it.
1) Metallica: The Hall of Fame shows no real interest in heavy metal. No Deep Purple, no Motorhead, no Judas Priest, no Iron Maiden. But they know they have to admit someone from the genre eventually and since Metallica have also won Grammys, well, they're respectable enough and likely to sell a few tickets and save what looks to be a pretty sure-fire ratings fiasco.
1. Kelly Osbourne--who gives a damn that she hasn't been singing for 25 years; with a voice as awesome as hers and a body that's even hotter than a combination of Tyra Banks and Cindy Crawford multiplied by the power of ten, Kelly ought to be fast-tracked to the Hall of Fame.
2. Fallout Boy--again, who gives a damn they haven't been around for 25 years. As long as Pete Wentz keeps up doing his bisexual act-thing and playing the bass better than legends like Iron Maiden's Steve Harris, I say nominate 'em.
3. The Killers--for the third time, again, who gives a fudge that they're not around for 25 years. With a singer with voice as high-pitched and asexual's as Brandon Flowers, The Killers street-cred must NOT be questioned! In fact, bands like Depeche Mode and serial killers such as Charlie Manson have all cited the Killers as among their top influences!
4. Nickelback! Just the fact that their brand of deeply thoughtful, Tool-like metal actually exceeds that produced by their forefathers--Metallica, Iron Maiden, Guns N' Roses, etc..--should fast-track them for a Rock N' Roll induction right now! Who cares if they're Canadian and, as a result, people make fun of them for their hick-like accents where they mispronounce words like "out" as "oooot?!" Really, with top-notch quality from the metal-masters in Nickelback, who cares?!
5. COLDPLAY--just because Chris Martin sounds like his gonads are continually stuck in a vice (accounting for his abnormally high voice) doesn't disqualify Coldplay. Matter of fact, it establishes their right to be in the Hall of Fame because so many of the "rock" bands currently in the Hall of Fame are really gay-sounding already!
6. Pink--for someone who looks like a woman who hasn't quite gotten rid of the fat accumulated from pregnancy (ironic because she's never been pregnant!), Pink deserves to be inducted just because she pretends to be relevant by coloring her hair...pink.
7. David Cook? Yeah, I haven't heard of his nobody ass either before compiling my list, but it turns out he won last year's American Idol. And that instantly means that--because some stupid teenage-morons called in and voted him Idol--he's automatically worthy to be inducted into the Hall.
8. Il Douchebag, er... I mean, Il Divo--I don't even know if they're considered metal or not, but with a group consisting of four white males from four different countries, they MUST be inducted simply since they prove that women will continually buy music from gay-sounding, non-threatening "males" who sound like creampuffs.
9. Axl Rose without Guns N' Roses--this is a pure PITY NOD to make up for his Chinese Democracy selling less copies than a wornout, VHS edition of Girls Gone Wild would've in its first week.
10. Cat Stevens AGAIN! Like everyone else, I'm scared of Islamists, so if inducting him again will prevent him from launching an angrily violent protest as many Muslims do, then I'm all for voting for him!
And really, I don't care about the damn "Hall of Fame"...more like "Hall of Lame"
So many bands are left off, even bands that shaped the sound of Rock, and sometimes even POP (where is the rebellion of Rock in THAT?) artists are inducted instead of REAL Rock Artists....what the...[profane].
Anyway, you also need $ to be inducted, and its the same thing as todays Grammys. Its a joke. No one cares. I agree with the Sex Pistols on this, The "Hall of Fame" is a P!ss Stain.
And to all who defend this crap, just think, WHY, WHY is Deep Purple still not there? Why is it that SOOOO many bands are left out? The answer to the latter is that the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame only inducts bands that they see profitable.
So much for a real Rock N Roll Hall of Fame, that should honor ALL artists that helped shaped famous genres.
Woa.
What has this worldcome to?
And Iggy Pop should be down at the bottom somewhere.
Where is the Red Hot Chili Peppers?
But they, along with other rock greats, should be in the hall of fame.