Music Blogs

In order to qualify for this list, the song had to be something that the radio has insisted on playing to some degree. That's why Canned Heat got canned. No one plays their records anymore on the radio. But I've heard these others from time to time. They may not be the longest songs ever recorded. But they do make you feel like your time on earth has been lasting like one long Monday morning.

10) "Stairway To Heaven"--Led Zeppelin: OK, I liked this song the first two thousand times I heard it. It builds nicely and I love hearing about the bustle in the hedgerow. But sitting in a public place and hearing that introduction kick in immediately sets off the alarm bells: must get stiff drink!

9) "Freebird"--Lynyrd Skynyrd: DJs can't leave well enough alone and insist on playing the live version of this song which includes about ten too many piano runs and fake endings, as if the interminable jam preceding it hadn't already wrecked the good feeling of the first four minutes of the song.

8) "Sympathy For The Devil"--The Rolling Stones: The Rolling Stones usually get it done in three minutes. Here, they decide to give us a history lesson where we somehow get blamed for killing the Kennedys. This song absolutely kicks in its live incarnation, but the studio track with its special percussion and "ooh ooh" chants is like one of those moments when you start thumbing ahead to see where the chapter ends and you realize it still has about four pages without pictures before you're done. Too much work.

7) "Rosalita"--Bruce Springsteen: "Jungleland" would go here if they played it more. But "Rosalita" seems to be the endless Bruce song of choice for DJs who have to use the toilet. I know this blog has picked on him quite a bit, and you might start to think I don't like the guy. It's not that. There are many fine moments. It's just that the ones that keep coming back at you are always the corniest ones. And songs about being in a rock n' roll band are always by definition corny. It's a little too self-aware.

6) "Hey Jude"--The Beatles: Anyone who doesn't feel like gouging out their eyes after a minute of that damned "na-na" part of the song is either a very simple person or someone who should consider stuffing envelopes for a living. You like monotony.

5) "The End"--The Doors: "Lost in a roman wilderness of pain." Is that where we are, Jim? Sometimes this tune hits the spot, but other times it's like "Get me off this blue bus and hurry!" He keeps saying it's the end, but it takes eleven minutes to get there. Stop procrastinating!

4) "Whipping Post"--The Allman Brothers Band: If you've ever sat in a bar wondering what you're doing there and this song comes on, it's like the universe is mocking you. This isn't even their longest tune, but it's the one DJs are under the mistaken impression that we want to hear yet again. Supposedly, people today have shorter attention spans. Can we have a three minute edit?

3) "Shine On You Crazy Diamond"--Pink Floyd: I admit I heard this once on the Weather Channel while getting my "Local On The 8s" and it was a big improvement over that crap they call "jazz" that usually plays while you learn about the fine particles in the air. But heard on the radio when you're in a rush to get somewhere, the song actually makes you and everyone else drive slower.

2) "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida"--Iron Butterfly: They've phased this one out as old hippies keep dying off and maybe "Suite:Judy Blue Eyes" should take its place, but this is twice as long and features a phased drum solo that entertains no one. But it's broken out every once in awhile as evidence that long songs once ruled the earth. Beats having to hear "Alice's Restaurant" on Thanksgiving, but that's not saying much.

1) "Dazed And Confused"--Led Zeppelin: The studio version is slow and plodding but the live version is so interminable that you're convinced that you're actually waiting for Jimmy Page to go find his bow before the guitar solo takes off. Twenty-plus minutes later and it's STILL going on. Who thought this was a good idea? If you see this available on your local bar's jukebox, do yourself a favor and program it just as you're leaving. Sit out in the parking lot and see how long it takes to clear the joint.

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