Yeah, yeah, Thanksgiving is about giving thanks and appreciating the abundance we have. It's about food! Who cares if Aunt Sally survived another round of the gout? Uncle Billy didn't slip the noose around his neck even though he lives every day with crushing debt and four snot-nosed brats bleeding his will to live? Hey, great! Now where are the mashed potatoes? And stop hogging the gravy down at the other end of the table! If you expect to see the home-baked brownies you'd better start fairly distributing the dark meat and pronto!

Thanksgiving is about the art of negotiation. Remember, if your elders give you an attitude, just feed their kids tons of candy and snacks and they'll be complete hell the entire car ride home!

"Roly Poly" - Hank Williams
Daddy's little fattie! Old time country music understood the importance of food and Hank laundry lists tons of delicacies like bread and jelly 20 times a day. Now that's eating! I know you read about how we as a nation are getting more obese than ever, but that's just to sell diet books! People were always eating too much! Before television people did what? Aerobics?

"Junk Food Junkie" - X Ray Spex
Punk rockers were never into vegetables. Well, not the kind you eat. So it's only natural they'd sing about crappy food. Poly Styrene, the singer for this British punk group, wore braces. Why bother? Her teeth were only bound to fall out anyway!

"Fast Food" - The Blisters
Local New Jersey punk legends began their career with this anthem to the food that will eventually kill them. But who hasn't been to White Castle at four in the morning and just said 'damn it all to hell, I'm having me fourteen 3-inch burgers cased in grease right now' and then wondered an hour later why there wasn't any feeling in their toes? Heaven, I tell ya. Heaven.

"...On Eating Garbage" - Controlled Bleeding
Taken from this band's 1988 album Songs From The Drain, this song is the reason this column exists. Without it, the song might die an obscure death. Now, it will flourish and revitalize this band's entire career. As well it should. A band who know how to title their merchandise so eye-catchingly should never be left to rot in obscurity. We'll save that designation for lame folk acts who names themselves things like "Greg And Eileen" and their album, Our Latest Songs. Way to drive sales, people!

"I Like Food" - Descendents
The Descendents were poets. They were minimalists. Songs like "My Dad Sucks," "All," "No All," "No Fat Beaver" and "I Like Food" say more in a few words than Shakespeare said in those overrated plays they made us study in high school when all we wanted to do was sleep at our desks in peace. Imagine how much better the world would be if we had studied the Collected Works of the Descendents! Iambic pentameter, my ass! I like food. That's the human situation! Now pass the Nutella!