It's said that it's better to give than to receive, but that sounds suspiciously to me like another capitalist plot. I've never found giving to be all that great. Not compared to getting. Unless we're talking about getting a sharp abdominal pain after low to moderate exercise. That's not too fun.

But Christmas time is upon us and you may have noticed that stores are offering sales and advertising an awful lot of merchandise that just so happens to be ready for purchase during this seasonal time of year. I still think it's all a conspiracy to help us forget how dark and cold it's getting out there.

Anyhow, it's time to discuss five songs that discuss the meaning of giving.

Rick Astley - "Never Gonna Give You Up"

Hard to argue with this song. It calls for NOT giving up the person in question and implies some sort of ownership, which is clearly illegal these days. And it's sung by a guy who sounds like if you really challenged him and tried to take this person away, he wouldn't put up much of a fight. I think Astley's a wuss.

Bon Jovi - "You Give Love A Bad Name"

Leave it to guys from New Jersey to play the blame game. Oh sure, it has nothing to do with these guys. They wouldn't lie or cheat on you. No. They're angels. But you? But is it that you are an untrue love or just lousy at lovemaking? Studies show that most people consider themselves "above average" in most categories from finance to intelligence to culinary skills. So if you're flat broke, got less than 800 on your SATs and boil rice that tastes like snot, you're also probably giving love a really bad name. The rest of us thank you. We look good by comparison.

Them - "I Can Only Give You Everything"

I've never actually known what is meant by this. Them also recorded a song called "I Gave My Love a Diamond," which is much more specific and easily valued. However, "only" "everything" suggests a false modesty that I'm not ready to accept. And I don't think you should either. Musicians are notoriously bad at math. Why do you think they always end up suing their old managers?

Ashlee Simpson - "Giving It All Away"

Roger Daltrey also had a song by this name, but he's now doing late-night infomercials for CD compilations, while Ashlee is still a huge star for having a face like a horse and a complete inability to sing. Which is a heckuva challenge when you think about it. You'd think the industry was hard up for pretty girls who could sing or something? I mean, I know why I'm not successful! I have no talent and I look like elephant who lost his trunk! What's your excuse?

Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Give It Away

I've written to the Chili Peppers and asked if I could have an autographed copy of the rhyming dictionary their singer Anthony Kiedis uses when composing his great works. I haven't heard from them, so I still wonder if they intend to "give it away" as much as they profess in this song. It wouldn't be the first time that rock stars were found out to be born liars. But it doesn't make it hurt any less. C'mon guys, restore my faith in humanity!