Most predictions are wrong. Just look at those pathetic weatherpeople! But with a little foresight, some psychic power and gobs of superior intelligence, the future can be determined ahead of schedule. I won't bore you with the complicated math used to discover these sureshot trends. But it took a lot of integers to get where we're going. But as sure as people will still be wearing clothes come next December, these five trends are going to be all the rage before 2008 rings out.

 

Choir Music Will Regain Lost Popularity

Yes, after years of losing sales to Hip-Hop, Nu-Metal and Emo, Choir Music will regain the stunning popularity it once enjoyed in the Middle Ages. Bald people will receive recording contracts and wrinkly, horribly old people will suddenly be seen on television during prime time and it won't be because they've fallen and can't get up. They'll be singing.

 

The Internet Will Be Over

Every fad must eventually fade and this one's gone on long enough. Sure, it seemed kind of cool for a while, but the CB Radio industry is poised to make a comeback and it will be at the expense of this transitional computer media that despite its colorful appearance isn't really catching on as well as once hoped.

 

The Return Of Menudo

The world clearly longs for the days when musical stars were REAL and were replaced when they got too old to function. Menudo were once the most important musical group in the history of music. They lost their pre-eminence in a series of backroom political maneuvers that left the world bitter and confused and susceptible to the likes of Limp Bizkit. This will be the year that Menudo rightfully return to the top of the pile.

 

Groups With Guitars Will Finally Be On The Way Out 

A great prophet once advised the Beatles that guitars were passé. Turns out he was right, just forty-something years ahead of his time. However, it won't happen without a fight and some radical changes in International Law. For the good of the moral fiber of the United States, its allies and even some countries that don't like us very much, guitars will be OUTLAWED. The bands Rush and Styx will join forces to combat this movement, but will be rightfully ignored.

 

Ted Nugent Will Record An Award-Winning Album Of Jazz Standards

Ted Nugent has always been one of our most sensitive rockers who aims to please. How better than by giving the world his interpretations of the finest Jazz Artists the world has ever known? From Louie Armstrong to Barry Manilow, Billie Holiday to Celine Dion, the Nuge will deliver an album that will be bought and enjoyed by several generations of music lovers. What a Wonderful World? Indeed!