Five Energy Drinks We'd Like To See
Beverage Concepts premiered a new energy drink this Spring called "Liquid Experience," named after the Jimi Hendrix Experience. Why they didn't opt for Purple Haze or Voodoo Chile remains a puzzling mystery, but it got me thinking (ouch) about drinks I would like to see and would consider purchasing if they were sold as cheap as the unlabeled purple junk that comes in that foggy plastic container with the foil lid that I'm so fond of at the moment.
High Voltage - Yes, after the debut album by AC/DC. I'd like to see Angus Young's tongue wagging at me as I down 11 ounces of carburetor fluid.
Scentless Apprentice - Kurt Cobain never died in vain and should be remembered for a caffeine-laced, odorless, clear liquid that prevents even the most ardent heroin addict from nodding off.
Dead! - Who wouldn't dare buy a drink named after a My Chemical Romance song? First of all, you're daring to live by imbibing from a can that suggests it can kill you. Secondly, a band with a named like My Chemical Romance is not in the market to sell you natural, organic healthy products. No one would be able to sue if they suffered a heart attack. They've been warned.
Rat Poison - OK, so the Prodigy connection probably won't sell a lot of units here, since no one remembers them anymore. But "Rat Poison" is a pretty catchy name for a drink, provided they come up with one that doesn't cause blindness or destroys your tastebuds. I've been informed that they already sell this stuff in hardware stores but advise against drinking it. Which seems counterproductive. A drink you can't drink?
Black Vomit - On their 2004 album Burned Mind, Wolf Eyes recorded two tracks worthy of being commercially co-opted. "Urine Burn" and "Black Vomit." For now, we'll go with "Black Vomit" though it's debatable which would have more appeal - a drink that suggests a burning sensation when you relieve it, or one that initiates bulimia? Such subtle differences to entertain, but essential if a company is to remain in business. You can see I flunked marketing.
