I supposed the royal "We" should really be changed to "I" since I have no idea if you share my enthusiasm for these magical musical pairings. Ever since John Lennon teamed up with Yoko Ono to make the first truly transcendent music of his career, I've been sold on the idea of duets. It's like getting two musical gifts for the price of one. It's like listening to two songs at once. Or two albums by two different artists at the same time. Or it's like listening to two-fifths of an Eagles album or two-thirds of one by Crosby, Stills and Nash.

Gwen Stefani and Muddy Waters: I know what you're thinking. Boy, wouldn't Gwen Stefani sound hot singing along with "Diggin' My Potatoes." But that would be old-hat, that technology's been perfected. This is where a computer takes a million samples of Muddy Waters' voice and manipulates it until he can he heard singing that "Hollaback Girl" sung in harmony with Ms. Stefani. Wha? You wanted them to spend that research money on a cure for AIDS or something?

Jay-Z and P. Diddy: When two rappers collide it's like you're stuck at a bus terminal waiting behind two guys who can't agree on anything. You figure these guys both think they're right all the time and have enough "Yes" men surrounding them to ensure that reality never interferes with their day. Together, they can talk over each other and we can enjoy the melodious results.

The guy from Nickelback and some guy from one of the five thousand bands that sound like Nickelback: Don't tell me it's already been done. It just sounds like it's been done. Because all these songs sound exactly the same and come out of a wholesale music house in Vancouver. That's what happens when you buy music by the yard.

Jimmy Buffett and Joy Behar: You think she can't sing? You should hear him! Technically, it's still wartime in America and we all have to do our part and sacrifice. Taken that way, we deserve this!

Paul McCartney and Heather Mills: Sure, they're divorced. But one thing we know about these Beatle dudes is that they'll sing with anyone if the price is right. These are guys who actually encouraged Ringo! As part of their divorce settlement, they should cut a song in different studios together. Maybe something like "Ebony and Ivory, Pt. II." That song screamed sequel the first time I heard it.