Music Blogs

It would be foolish to envision a bunch of sweating accountants pacing up and down the halls of Earth's remaining record labels, warning executives high and low that unless certain albums see release before year-end, their numbers will be at an all-time low!

And who in the world could imagine a scenario wherein matters of "overall musical quality" and "not cutting any corners" were overlooked merely in order to meet a corporate deadline?

Nope! Coincidentally, just one week before the holidays, everybody finished making their new albums at the same time!

And guess what? I'll be meeting them all at Applebee's on their way to the mall! You're welcome to join us!

Soulja Boy Tell'em: iSouljaBoyTellEm (Interscope) I am nearly rendered speechless by this, my favorite rap album ever--a veritable smorgasbord of sonic delight dripping with profundity on countless levels! With a charming variety of repetitive honks, beats and bleats, Soulja's latest contains 16 tracks of surrealistic, half-garbled phrases largely revolving around the wonderful song titles! Just look at them!: "I'm Bout Tha Stax," "Booty Got Swag," "Wit My Yums On," "Whoop Rico," and--best of all--the revealingly titled "Soulja Boy Tellem"! A careful listening can't help but remind you of that peculiar sensation of being halfway between sleep and wakefulness: familiar words take on new meanings, nonsense phrases make startling sense, and, as always, you suddenly realize that you're not wearing any pants! I would say that my unqualified favorite here is the revelatory "Yamaha Mama"--which also features the distinguished Sean Kingston and may represent the all-time apex of both artists' storied careers! In short: anyone who does not instantly love this record is either flawed as a human or simply hasn't heard it yet!

Fall Out Boy: Folie à Deux (Island) Though I don't count myself as one of Fall Out Boy's biggest fans--I saw some guy at their recent LA show who had to be at least 6'8"!--I was pleasantly surprised by this album! First, I liked its title! French is great! Secondly, cartoon covers are always good! Thirdly, in case you've forgotten, Fall Out Boy is one of those bands who don't employ that same pinched-nose, nasal singing style that Blink -182 popularized and the godlike Yellowcard took to ultimate perfection, so they don't sound stupid and old-fashioned! Finally, there seem to be some real songs on this album--good pop songs--and even Elvis Costello drops by to sing on a track! Wow! Plus one of these guys is married to Ashlee Simpson, so it has to be good! I wish all album reviews could be like this!

Anthony Hamilton: The Point Of It All (So So Def/Zomba) Returning for his third "official" studio album, singer Hamilton remains one of today's finest R&B singers! He's highly respected, works with many of today's best new artists, and enjoys a stylistic versatility that surpasses many of his more commercial peers! Among the tracks here is "Cool," featuring David Banner! Sadly, he's too good to make fun of--so there's no point in mentioning that he looks like he's about to throw up in a sink on this album cover!

All-American Rejects: When The World Comes Down (DGC/Interscope) They're a good-hearted bunch, the All-American Rejects, and they've spent the past few years methodically building up a large and loyal fan base that is sure to love this brand new album! They've opened for Bon Jovi, they've promoted milk in a national publicity campaign, and they even covered Britney Spears' "Womanizer" for Yahoo! In short, they're simply perfect human beings and deserving of all your support, financial or otherwise! Don't reject them, as they clearly expect on the basis of their name, but instead embrace them! I'm into it!

Keyshia Cole: A Different Me (Geffen/Interscope) A highly regarded R&B vocalist who's actually referred to her previous two albums as "painful"--sorry, no time to put that in context--returns with a whammer-bammer showstopper that features a guest appearance by Tupac Shakur as well as Monica (the singer, not the veterinary assistant) and should sell by the boatload if her well-meaning supporters have their way! That said, this habit of today's most popular vocalists deliberately confusing their money-bearing fans with such album titles as A Different Me and I Am...Sasha Fierce is disturbing--it's harder than ever for consumers to focus these days, gals, so start going with things like Hey Clerk, File Me In Front Of Natalie and I, Beyoncé, Would Like You To Buy This! Nice cover, though!

Plies: Da REAList (Big Gates/Slip-N-Slide) Could it be true that this is "the Ft. Meyers, Florida-based rap superstar's third full length release in just under 16 months"? Hard to believe, considering the extraordinary amount of time the admirable fellow spent penning such new favorites as "Me & My Goons," "F**k U Gon' Do Bout It," and the near-anthemic "Pants Hang Low"! Those wondering how this seeming workaholic manages to retain his sanity need go no further than the surprisingly candid "I Chase Paper," in which the rapper details how his sadistic school friends often used to bully him while he was earnestly folding newspapers for his paper route! No, wait--that was Fall Out Boy!

Ghostface Killah: Ghostdeini The Great (Def Jam) There's no denying the enormous influence and impact the Wu-Tang Clan have had in the world of popular music, so this new greatest hits CD/DVD set by founding member Mr. Killah should certainly be welcomed by those who care! Featuring remixes with new verses--it is said--this album is only handicapped by its trite and ubiquitous title, recently employed by the likes of Hilary Duff, Willie Nelson, and Morrissey in just the past six months! Dude--I, Ghostface wasn't taken!

Saliva: Cinco Diablo (Island) Like you, I've often wondered what it would be like to write about this album while listening to Gerry & the Pacemakers singing "You'll Never Walk Alone"! Boasting--if indeed inanimate objects can actually boast--one of the finest album covers of the year, Saliva's latest will have fans likely "drooling" over the hot sounds throughout! Between you and me, if I were writing its product description for a well-known Internet retailer, I'd probably call this "the ultimate alt-metal post-grunge must-have CD this twisted holiday season!" Then I would get fired and listen to the new Soulja Boy album in my car a lot! Yes, it's that good!

Jamie Foxx: Intuition (J Records) The second album by actor/singer Foxx, this collection features guest appearances by T.I., Lil Wayne, Kanye West, T-Pain,  Ne-Yo, Timbaland, and The Dream, and is highlighted by the stunning cover picture of the singer wearing sunglasses! I don't know, there's just something cool about guys who wear sunglasses! And when you consider the album title--it's like he knows you're intrigued by him! You should definitely buy this!

Ha Ha The Moose: Alce En Vivo De Los Muertos (Fatboy Records) Years from now I will fondly look back at the time I actually wrote about an album by someone called Ha Ha The Moose! What will you be doing?