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Tonight's American Idol audition episode took place in Salt Lake City, home to last season's tween dream David Archuleta and about a jillion Osmonds. So the laws of probability dictated that, inevitably, a real live Osmond would audition tonight.

I, of course, had my issues regarding someone from such a huge showbiz family dynasty like the clan that spawned Donny & Marie. David Osmond--son of eldest Osmond brother Alan--was the first singer to try out tonight, and I was certainly wary of yet another after obviously privileged, well-connected contestant making it through after former major-label signing Joanna Pacitti and Jason Castro's sibling Michael received golden tickets in previous episodes. Come on now, did an OSMOND really need a break like this? And then the producers started showing sad footage of David's crying, multiple sclerosis-stricken dad (Alan had to retire because of his disease) and of David's own MS battle (David has been wheelchair-bound in the past), and I just knew this guy was going to get through. Sorry to be crass here, but FAMILY CONNECTIONS + SOB STORY = GUARANTEED GOLDEN TICKET. I just hoped that David would actually be able to carry a tune. Luckily, singing ability runs in the Osmond family. David sang Take 6's "Something Within Me" decently and nicely enough to earn his ticket to Hollywood...maybe not decently and nicely enough to make the top 12, but well enough to at least get a chance at the finals. He certainly was better, and more deserving, than Bikini Girl!

Flame-haired, plus-sized, ill-advisedly miniskirted-and-gartered Tara Mathews--who Ryan probably erroneously claimed was "Salt Lake City's only goth," and who was pretty much the opposite of fresh-scrubbed all-American boy David Osmond--showed up next. Tara claimed to have ESP, but I wonder, did she predict that she wouldn't make it through? I mean, I don't have ESP, and I could easily forecast her inevitable rejection just by observing her ridiculously unflattering outfit and off-putting attitude. She whimpered her way through a five-octaves-out-of-her-range version of "One Day I'll Fly Away," to which Simon Cowell quipped without missing a beat, "Hopefully soon!" Tara certainly seemed bummed about the news, scowling and sulking like a real goth girl, but to be honest she didn't seem all that surprised by Simon's unkind words, so maybe she does have ESP after all.

The next memorable lousy audition was by Chris Kirkham, whose cardboard Simon mask and bunnysuited sidekick will certainly come in handy come Halloween time but did nothing to deflect attention away from his unremarkable vocals. So soon Chris and his bunny buddy were hopping right out the audition-room door, golden-ticketless.

A series of bad-to-worse auditions followed in one of Idol's patented blooper-reel montages, and then in came Frankie Jordan, who'd been hyped in the pre-show promo spots as "the next Amy Winehouse." So what did that mean? She'd soon be going on all-night London pub benders, shouting out onstage declarations of love to Blake Incarcerated, withering down to 80 pounds, breaking her teeth in drunken face-first sidewalk tumbles, developing a weird face-eating skin disease, smoking crack in leaked viral videos, and struggling to stand upright beneath the weight of an ever-growing beehive wig? Being the "next Amy Winehouse" may not be such a lofty career goal after all, you know.

So Frankie sang Amy's "You Know That I'm No Good," and she was pretty good. Not as good as Amy herself--Frankie is NOT the next Amy; she doesn't have Amy's charisma or edge--but good enough. And Simon liked Frankie's "cute little face"--which, I must agree, was cuter than Amy's.

I was more impressed with the next girl who sang, divorced young mom Megan Corkrey, whose vocals had a certain Amy/Adele/Duffy throwback quality to them but still managed to sound totally original. I totally dug her old-fashioned, jazzy soul stylings on "Can't Help Loving That Man Of Mine," and I agreed with judge Kara DioGuardi's assessment that she had a certain "glow" about her. She seemed genuinely spotlit from within, and definitely worthy of the Idol spotlight. Simon described Megan's performance as "one of my favorite auditions...you are one of the few I'm going remember." Then again, he said that about Josiah Leming during last season's Hollywood Week, right before Josiah was axed...but I have a feeling this time Simon meant it. And I concurred with him. Megan was one of my faves, too.

After frog-throated, foghorn-voiced "soul" singer Andrew Gibson tanked (but took his rejection very well and wisely decided to pursue his education instead), in came well-educated schoolboy Austin Sisneros. A 17-year-old senior class president who said he was auditioning in order to "inspire people" and let viewers know "it's OK to follow your dreams," this guy was so clean-cut he made the Osmonds look like Amy Winehouse. And he totally bugged the H-E-double-hockey-sticks out of me the minute he hit the screen. When he told the judges, after failing to impress them with his yawn-inducing rendition of Train's "When I Look To The Sky," that they should still support him because he knew they didn't "want to see him fail," I groaned. What a smug over-achiever! But I guess he was right, because the judges let him give it another go. He sang a second perplexing song, Raffi's "It Takes A Village," which the judges also loathed. But then they let him through anyway! Randy in particular admired Austin's perseverance, so I guess sometimes a little smugness goes a long way. I do have a feeling that if this guy makes it to the voting rounds in a few weeks, though, that viewers (like myself) will find him unlikable and send him home early. Which is probably just as well, since being on this show would take too much time away from all his extracurricular activities.

Another montage followed of various Salt Lake City rejects crying vast salty lakes of tears. Then came Hawaiian-born, 16-year-old island beauty Taylor Vaifanua, who with her 5'11" stature and sexy-secretary pencil skirt looked basically 16 going on 28. I certainly didn't look like that when I was just 16! She sang with great womanly maturity, too; Randy Jackson said hers was one of the best voices of the entire season so far, and naturally she made it through. Another promising SLC female.

But it was the final singer, Rose Flack, who along with Megan Corkrey made tonight's episode so encouraging. After Louisville and Jacksonville, I thought this show was going straight to Nowheresville, but SLC got me hopeful again thanks to girls like these.

Pretty, blonde-dreadlocked flower child Rose had the proper sob story that is always saved for the final five minutes of every episode--her dad died when she was 13, then her mom died when she was 15, and now she's been taken in by a kind Idaho family--and she had a great image ("You look terrific," Simon blurted out the minute she entered the room). And--to lapse into flower child lingo myself here--she had a lovely aura. She sang Carole King's "I Feel The Earth Move," and I kinda/sorta did--feel the earth move, that is. I was excited about this one. She sort of reminded of season 7's Brooke White, before Brooke got all annoying and chatterboxy and neurotic and I stopped liking her. Anyway, Simon seemed excited about Rose as well. "There's something about you which I absolutely love," he raved, then he repeated what he'd said to Megan: "You're one of the few I'm going to remember." Wow, he was just full of uncharacteristically free-flowing compliments tonight, huh? I guess all the kindness and sweetness of the Osmond-dominated SLC population actually rubbed off on him. So Rose got her ticket to Hollywood, and I have a feeling she's really going to blossom there.

And thus concluded a thankfully very productive talent search in SLC. I actually found myself getting all psyched about two contestants (Rose and Megan), who now join Phoenix's Cody Sheldon and San Francisco's Adam Lambert as my official season 8 picks so far. But the auditions aren't quite over yet, people: Before the Hollywood round kicks off next Tuesday, there's one more bonus episode tomorrow (Thursday) night, on which Simon and his cronies will scout for one last batch of singers in both Puerto Rico and New Jersey. I'm actually a little tired of all these auditions by now, so I'm thrilled and relieved that Hollywood Week is just around the corner...but I'm also hoping that the judges do find a few more worthy belters tomorrow, before the show moves on.

Tune in tomorrow and find out if they do! Seacrest out.