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"What have you done?" Ryan Seacrest scolded the viewers as tonight's episode got underway...already giving all us Idol-worshippers a major guilt complex over the possibility of certain worthy contenders not making the cut due to a presumed lazy lack of call-in voting.

Yo, just for the record: I speed-dialed and re-dialed last night until my poor little fingers were reduced to bloodied nubs. Ryan's nasty accusations should have been reserved for the producers who thought it was a fab idea to make tonight's contestants step-touch dance awkwardly through a hot-messy performance of Ne-Yo's "Closer." Not even my man Adam Lambert's superb showmanship or Nick "Norman Gentle" Mitchell's delightfully skewed sense of humor could salvage that travesty.

Fox, what have you done?

Anyway, to start the serious part of tonight's results show, Allison Iraheta, last night's biggest surprise--an under-the-radar contestant who broke away from the pack with an unexpectedly strong performance of Heart's "Alone"--was called to the stage. Joining her were two of last night's more forgettable singers (and two of the singers who talked back the most to the judges last night), bluesy smartmouth Jesse Langseth and schlubby welder Matt Breitzke. Ryan then suspensefully informed the audience that one of these three was safe.

You know, I began to wonder if Ryan's warning at the start of the show meant that the clearly deserving Allison had lost out to one of these two lesser opponents...but thankfully, that was not the case. Allison was in! Iraheta's on! (I would love to hear her sing Glen Frey's "The Heat Is On" as "Iraheta's On" during '80s Week, by the way. Just a suggestion.)

Phew, crisis averted. For now.

Next, the contestants were called up in pairs--Megan Joy Corkrey with Kris Allen, and Jeanine Vailes with Matt Giraud--and Ryan teased that one, and only one, of these four was through to the top 12. Again, it seemed obvious to me who'd earned the spot: Megan! Duh! But Matt and Kris certainly had their followings, too. So this was a tough one to call.

One person guaranteed not to get it was the leggy but otherwise unimpressive Jeanine, who was first to get axed. Matt--who really blew it last night, after such a promising Hollywood Week--was the next to go. And so it came down to Kris and Megan. Judge Kara DioGuardi then inexplicably stalled for time by babbling (in an almosy eerily Paula-like manner) about both singers' positive attributes, while Simon dramatically rolled his eyes and I even more dramatically screamed at my TV screen, hollering for Kara to shaddup and just let Ryan get on with it.

And then finally, Ryan announced that the second slot was going to...KRIS ALLEN? What?

America, what have you done?

This was the first cut of the season that really bothered me. From her first audition, Megan was my hands-down favorite female. I really thought she had something intangibly magical and special and different, and I was sure America would agree with me here. So what was it about her performance last night that made her lose out to someone as generic as Kris Whatshisname? Was it her goofy dancing? Did more conservative voters find her sleeve tattoos or single motherhood offputting? I don't know. And I don't even care. I'm just mad. Mad that my favorite girl is gone too soon, and mad that once again one of my predictions turned out wrong, wrong, wrong.

I'd like Megan to get a wild card spot next week, but you know, there are only three wild cards, and that's not nearly enough to go around. Too many good singers have been cut already!

Of course, as is the typical AmIdol way, Ryan's announcement of the final finalist of the evening was maddeningly stalled by a best/worst-of-Idol audition montage THAT HAD ALREADY BEEN AIRED ONCE THIS SEASON, followed by a performance of the new original song "Hold Up My Heart" by last season's Brooke White. Brooke was pretty good--she kept her usual irritating babbling to a minimum, she didn't mess up the the song and start it over, and the tune itself was pleasant enough--but I all I cared about was Adam and Norman's fate.

Now, with only one slot left, I knew it had to go to Adam Lambert. If he didn't get it, I was going to be in such a foul mood that my friends, family, and co-workers would be wise to stay the heck out of my way for a few days while I cooled down. Oh man, the outrage I felt over Megan's elimination would be NOTHING compared to my reaction if Adam got axed. But I was definitely saddened that with two slots already spoken for tonight, that meant that my other favorite in this week's batch, Norman/Nick, had pretty much zero chance of making the top 12.

You know, there was a teensy part of me that hoped the final spot would go to Norman--because if Adam didn't make it, it was pretty much a given that the judges would eagerly bring him back as a wild card, but Simon Cowell would never, ever let Norman return once he'd happily gotten rid of him. So this was Norman's only shot. But ultimately, I had to root for the best man to win, and there was no question that Adam was in a league of his own last night. No other contestant even came close to the brilliance, charisma, and seasoned professionalism of Adam's "Satisfaction" performance, so I knew I'd get no satisfaction unless he made it.

So finally the remaining five singers were summoned for judgment, with footnotes Mishavonna Henson, Kai Kalama, and Jasmine Murray barely having a chance to walk to the stage before Ryan instructed them to turn right around and walk away again. And keep on walking. No shock there. And so, my heart was breaking as I saw the only two remaining contestants, Norman and Adam, standing there with only one top 12 spot between them.

What a Sophie's choice! Come on--if Idol can have four judges this season, why couldn't it have four finalists tonight? Or couldn't Michael Sarver or Kris Allen just get disqualified under some loopholey technicality (like how about "No Boring Singers Allowed"), so both Adam and Norman could make it? Please???

But 'twas not meant to be: Norman didn't make it, folks. Gentle went gently into that good night. Norman started a joke, which started the whole world (or hey, at least me) crying when he was voted off tonight. Sigh.

But my grief over Norman's (and my) loss was quickly eased by Adam's rightful victory and his white-hawt reprise of last night's winning "Satisfaction" performance, complete with skinny-Elvis lipcurls and Axl Rose-style scream-singing. Just stop the competition now. There's no need to have 12 more contestants sing, really. That would just be a waste of time, in my opinion, because Adam has already totally won this whole thing.

But of course, 12 more people are singing next week. It's a fairly weak dozen next Tuesday--Lil' Rounds and Nathaniel Marshall are the only true standouts for me, making me wish Norman had competed next week, when he might have actually had a genuine chance. But next Thursday's wild card episode will hopefully keep things interesting. FYI, I'll be writing a separate blog later about the singers I'd like to see come back on that show (and yes, Norman is among them--a girl can dream, can't she?).

But until then, I'm just going to go on YouTube and watch Norman's "And I Am Telling You" performance over and over. And over. The subsequent laughter will surely ease my pain.