In 2007, MTV had a hit with A Shot Of Love At Tila Tequila, a bisexuality-themed dating show on which both bachelors and bachelorettes competed for the MySpace starlet's affections. Well, apparently that show was such a smash that MTV's sister station VH1 has taken a cue and launched Rock Of Love 2, in which 20 or so transgender females vie for the heart of obviously very confused Poison frontman Bret Michaels.

Okay, okay...according to VH1, the contestants on Rock Of Love 2 are all women. But I have my serious doubts about this, as some of them look like they would have been better off auditioning for that British transgender-dating show There's Something About Miriam on BBC. In fact, many of them resemble what Bret and his lavishly lipglossed Poison bandmates looked like on the circa-'86 cover of Look What The Cat Dragged In--only not nearly as pretty or feminine.

This is SCARY stuff, people--scary enough that VH1 should have ran a viewer-discretion-advised warning before last night's Rock Of Love 2 premiere aired! Bret himself should have been warned before he met them. Actually, it's a good thing that last season's Heather, Rodeo, and Lacey are returning in later episodes this year, because now that Bret has seen what else the murky reality-TV dating pool has to offer, he should beg those season 1 rejects for another chance. Jeez, even season 1 drunkard Tiffany (of "don't threaten me with a good time" fame) would be an upgrade from some of these sloppy-second-season "ladies."

All right, there were a few roses among the thorns last night, but the prettiest rose of all, Grace Jones-coiffed rocker chick Erin, was sent back to the tour bus on night #1. Meanwhile French freak Angelique, a dead ringer for Alexis Arquette from the cast of fellow Poison celebreality star C.C. DeVille's Surreal Life season, was allowed to stay on. (Why, Bret, why? Is it possible you are keeping on the trainwreckiest, most ratings-friendly contestants instead of your actual possible love matches, because this show isn't real and you're not really looking for someone to rock your world? Say it ain't so!)

Anyway, just in case Bret IS being sincere, I seriously recommend that he keep handing out VIP passes to supercool, 45-year-old June Carter Cash lookalike Catherine. (Please note, 45 is NOT too old for Bret, who was definitely fibbing last night when he claimed to be 40. Yeah, right--in dog years, maybe.) Catherine looks waaaay better than all the cat-dragged-in twentysomethings with their silicon-stuffed trout pouts, Tammy Faye eye makeup, beachball boobs, and possibly protruding Adam's apples.

But whomever--or should I say WHATever--Bret chooses, I wish him luck in his quest to get in touch with his not-so-feminine side.