Music Blogs

There's been a lot of scuttlebutt this summer about the lack of a breakout seasonal single. Unlike in past years, there's been no ubiquitous jam--no "Crazy" or " Umbrella" to accompany the sounds of splashing in the pool or cracking open a cool one. Contenders like Leona Lewis' "Bleeding Love," Lil Wayne's "Lollipop," or Kid Rock's "All Summer Song" have each had their moment, but failed to lodge themselves alongside The Dark Knight or insane gas prices as summer 2008 touchstones. Given that it's already the middle of July, perhaps it's time to move on. There is no song of the summer.

But maybe we can all find something else summer-related on which to agree. Below are my picks for the ten least summery artists. I don't think any of the following acts are necessarily bad--some of them are long-standing personal favorites--but they're guaranteed to wet-blanket a backyard BBQ faster than an empty keg.

1. Slayer--Strictly for safety reasons. It's already hot outside. These legendary thrash-metal maniacs will push everyone over the edge.

2. Radiohead--I've spent many an amazing night alone with OK Computer, but Radiohead is definitely a band of shadows and fog. Must have something to do with growing up in England.

3. Ja Rule--It will only remind people how lame they were back in the summer of '99.

4. Kool Keith--Rap's strangest MC somehow makes his cracked gynecological fantasies compelling. But I would rather walk to work naked than hang around in the heat listening to someone's cracked gynecological fantasies.

5. Opeth--Jagged and epic-length Swedish death metal doesn't exactly suggest a trip to the beach.

6. Nine Inch Nails--There has never been music more perfectly engineered for brooding indoors, far, far away from the sun.

7. Low--These slowcore pioneers sound like a combination of the Northern Lights and giant snow squalls. Do the meteorological math.

8. Bonnie "Prince" Billy--This modern folkie can turn even the loveliest day into a gripping existential investigation. Which is fine...from October to April.

9. Wu-Tang Clan--Staten Island's finest are masters of clanking, grimy soundscapes and chess metaphors. But unless your idea of hot fun in the summertime involves a junkyard tire fire, steer clear.

10. Paula Abdul--I just really dislike Paula Abdul.

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