Oct. 29-Nov. 5: A Total Blackout
OK, let's just get this out of the way, right off the bat: Britney Spears released a new album this week. It is titled Blackout. It is her first real album in four years. (No, her 2005 remixes collection B In The Mix does not count.) We realize this is news, because pretty much anything Britney does--marrying, divorcing, having kids, losing her kids, leaving her house to get Frappaccino, picking her nose--is news nowadays. So we had to mention her album drop, right? Plus, we're practically contractually obligated to include Britney somewhere in this column every week, and besides, word on the street--or, actually, around the Yahoo! office--is that Blackout actually ain't that bad. So our congratulations go out to the album's army of producers, arrangers, engineers, songwriters; the manufacturers and distributors of ProTools software; and the battalion of stylists, hairdressers, makeup artists, personal trainers, and Photoshop experts who slaved over the album's cover image. Their hard, thankless work made Blackout a smashing success. Oh...and congratulations to you too, Britney!
All right, let's move on to some sadder--and, let's be honest--more important news. It was Halloween week, which made it all the more eerie that the week was filled with stories about death. First, country legend/Dolly Parton mentor Porter Wagoner succumbed to cancer, only four months after the release of his own career-reviving album, Wagonmaster. Additionally, Linda Stein, a former Ramones manager and the ex-wife of music-biz honcho Seymour Stein, was mysteriously murdered in her New York apartment. And finally, Vegas crooner Robert Goulet died while awaiting a lung transplant.
Now, Goulet really deserves some space in this blog for all his contributions to pop culture. Some of you reading this may be think he was as uncool as can be, but you're wrong. 
First of all, the guy had a cameo in the 1982 sitcom Police Squad, the show that spawned The Naked Gun movie franchise. That's pretty damn cool. He also lent his voice to an episode of The Simpsons, singing that perennial Christmas favorite, "Jingle Bells (Batman Smells)."
Furthermore, he was parodied by Will Ferrell in a gut-bustingly funny series of Saturday Night Live skits that are right up there with the classic "More Cowbell" and "Lazy Sunday" vignettes. Additionally, Goulet's recent commercials for Emerald Nuts--in which he preyed upon tired office workers and "messed with their stuff"--were more entertaining than many of the actual shows on TV these days.
And last, but certainly not least, speaking of entertaining TV shows... Goulet played himself on the hilarious TV Funhouse puppet show, in the notorious Vegas episodes. He was the show's only human character who won the respect of Triumph The Insult Comic Dog, and if that isn't a solid argument for Goulet's coolness, then we don't know what is. So rest in peace, Robert Goulet. Rest in peace.
All right, that's it for now, but do come back next Friday for more (hopefully good) news. Until then, goodnight, and good music.
THIS WEEK'S TOP 10 STORIES:
1. A Grand Ole Legend Dies - Country veteran Porter Wagoner loses his battle with cancer.
2. A Sad Day In Camelot - Crooner Robert Goulet passes away at age 73.
3. Former Ramones Manager Murdered - Man, this is shaping up to be one depressing week.
4. Britney's Back! - Her first album in more than four years finally comes out.
5. Un-Ledded - Led Zeppelin's reunion is postponed after Jimmy Page breaks his finger.
6. Live And Let Die? - Heather Mills claims she's received death threats for divorcing Paul McCartney.
7. Devil Without A Case - No charges will be filed regarding Kid Rock and Tommy Lee's VMAs brawl.
8. Fall Down Boy - Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz breaks his foot onstage at the New Orleans Voodoo Festival.
9. The J.Lo Bumpwatch Continues - Jennifer's designer, Robert Cavalli, admits that his star client is indeed pregnant.
10. Beat On Da Brat - The rapper is arrested after fighting with a waitress in Atlanta.
I AM SO THANKFUL I WAS A TEENAGER IN THE LATE SIXTIES AND EARLY SEVENTIES. THERE WAS A PLETHORA OF MUSIC. SO MUCH GREAT STUFF TO CHOOSE FROM, THE CREATIVITY WAS INCREDIBLE FROM SLY AND THE FAMILY STONE TO LED ZEPPELIN TO ELTON JOHN TO CROSBY STILLS AND NASH TO JIMI HENDRIX TO STEELY DAN AND THE EAGLES. WE WERE WEALTHY WITH SOUND AND THE CONCERTS WERE CHEAP.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY FINAL STATEMENT. THE EAGLES NEW DOUBLE CD IS ONLY AVAILABLE AT WALMART, 20 SONGS-2CDS--FOR $11 AND CHANGE. ABOUT THE SAME PRICE WE WOULD HAVE PAID FOR A DOUBLE ALBUM IN THE EARLY 70'S. HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!