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Jan. 26 - Feb. 2: Big Fat Rumors, Big Fat Jokes

Posted Thu Jan 29, 2009 3:49pm PST by Lyndsey Parker in That's Really Week

This week was full of shockers, starting with the rumor--circulated by British tabloids the Sunday Mirror and Sunday Telegraph--that Paul McCartney got engaged to Nancy Shevell, his girlfriend of less than a year whom he began dating in the midst of his multimillion-dollar divorce battle from second wife Heather Mills. Our immediate response upon hearing this gossip was to simply shake our heads in disbelief and wonder why Sir Paul can't just be happy doing the bachelor thing and serial-dating a series of actresses (before Nancy came along, he was romantically linked to Rosanna Arquette, the woman who inspired Toto's "Rosanna"). And our second instinct was to suggest Paul phone up his old lawyer, Fiona Shackleton, and have her draw up some prenup papers, pronto. However, we later learned that Nancy is a wealthy woman herself--she's spent the last 25 years working in a high position at her father's New England Motor Freight Company, and since 2001 has been a member of the board of New York State's Metropolitan Transportation Authority. So we breathed a sigh of relief that Macca's possible wife #3 doesn't seem to be a gold-digger. But it wouldn't hurt for Paul (who, incidentally, was just announced as the headliner for this year's Coachella rock festival) to give Fiona a call, just in case--if this rumor is true.

By the way, another British pop star, Geri "Ginger Spice" Halliwell, officially got engaged to a man she's known for even less time than Paul's known Nancy: her beau of just one month, Italian yacht tycoon Fabrizio Politi. Curses to Macca for totally upstaging such normally major news!

Anyway, the other big shocker of the week came when failed pop star turned failed country star Jessica Simpson performed at the Kiss Country Chili Cookout in Pembroke Pines, Florida, and failed to impress some the attending concertgoers--or more specifically, the attending paparazzi--with her suddenly fuller figure. (Jessica had appeared to have gained about 20 pounds.) Now, we still think she looked fabulous and not at all "fat"--imagine how many women in America would be thrilled to look the way Jessica looks right now--but obviously her curvier physique was a stark contrast to the leaner, Daisy Duke'd hardbody she was rocking back in her Dukes Of Hazzard prime, when she was probably working out eight hours a day with Gunnar Peterson in order to fit into those notoriously tiny denim hotpants. And let's face it, high-waisted jeans look good on NO ONE, not even 80-pound weaklings, so Jessica's unflattering outfit certainly didn't help. Bloggers--and readers who commented on all those blogs--were extremely unkind to Jess with all their fat jokes, which prompted Jessica's little sister, Ashlee, to protest on her MySpace page. "I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister's weight," Ashlee wrote. "A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman's weight or figure as a headline on Fox News." Wow, what an unusually and uncharacteristically intelligent comment from the Simpson sister. She's right. And come to think of it, on the subject of the inauguration--we bet President Obama thinks Jessica looks just fine.

Another female pop singer going through changes was former Destiny's Child sidekick Kelly Rowland, who this week finally escaped from the looming shadow of her more-famous ex-bandmate, Beyonce, by cutting ties with Beyonce's dad, Matthew Knowles. Until this week, Matthew was still officially Kelly's manager, which might explain why Kelly's two solo albums, Simply Deep and Ms. Kelly, weren't exactly huge sellers like, say, Beyonce's Crazy In Love and B'Day. Because let's face it, Beyonce's father, who also manages Beyonce herself, was never going to make Kelly a priority. Now, with new and impartial management, Kelly might have a shot at having a career as fierce as Sasha Fierce's.

Another Kelly whose career was on the upswing this week was Kelly Clarkson. Not long ago, she publicly battled with Clive Davis and other American Idol bigwigs over creative control (the result--her darker, harder, sadder, and largely self-penned third album, My December--was a sales disappointment, at least partially because of Clive's sour-grapey anti-Kelly campaign). But eventually Kelly got back in line, did what her label told her, and started letting Swedish pop-machine pros write her songs again. And well, maybe Clive was right after all (even though many of us here liked My December and thought all the negative press surrounding it was worse than the treatment Jessica Simpson received this week). Because guess what? Kelly The C's new pop song, "My Life Would Suck Without You," is now a MASSIVE hit. This week it jumped from #97 to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100, thus setting a new record for the biggest leap into the top spot in the chart's 50-year history. (Sorry, Britney--your record set by "Womanizer," just last October, has already been shattered.) The song also entered the Hot Digital Songs chart at #1, selling about 280,000 downloads in its first week. Kelly is definitely back, and we're certainly thrilled to see her ruling the charts again, even if it's with a song she wasn't allowed to write herself.

Meanwhile, another troubled pop star and fallen idol, Michael Jackson, attempted to make another comeback this week, announcing that Thriller was set to become a Broadway musical. We were all excited, imagining a Broadway stage with light-up floor tiles a la the "Billie Jean" video...but when word got out that the musical's plot would follow that of his famous extendo-length "Thriller" video, that video's director, John Landis, was none too thrilled. Only a day after Nederlander Productions issued a press release about Jacko's musical, Landis (who co-wrote and directed the "Thriller" video in 1983) filed a breach-of-contract lawsuit in the Los Angeles Superior Court. The lawsuit accused Michael of "fraudulent, malicious and oppressive conduct," and claimed that Landis had not received his 50 percent share of the profits from "Thriller"--including licensing rights--for at least the past four years. Looks like the real "Thriller" drama will soon take place in an L.A. courtroom, not on a New York stage.

And finally, in other shocker (and not-so-thrilling) news, there were some deaths to report this week. (Seems like we've doing way too much of that lately.) Cult-favorite Scottish singer-songwriter John Martyn (pictured right) passed away at age 60; Billy Powell, keyboardist for unluckiest band in the world Lynyrd Skynyrd, died at age 58; and a Slipknot fan suffered a heart attack while attending a Slipknot concert in the band's home state of Iowa. We send our condolences and well-wishes to the families and friends of all three casualties.

And so, on that bummer note, so concludes another weekly wrapup. Come back next week for more headspinning headlines, and until then...goodnight, and good music.

 

THIS WEEK'S TOP 10 STORIES:

1) The Great Weight Debate - Some people think Jessica Simpson is TOO big of a star now.

2) All Paul Needs Is Love? - McCartney is rumored to marry for the third time.

3) John Martyn Passes Away - The Scottish folk guitar legend was only 60 years old.

4) Clarkson's Comeback - Kelly gets back in Clive's good graces and sets a new chart record.

5) Kelly's New Destiny - Rowland cut managerial ties with Beyonce's dad.

6) Broadway Thriller? - Michael Jackson is working on a  new musical, but legal battles may keep it from hitting the stage,

7) Oasis To Get Justice? - Noel Gallagher's attacker faces 14 years in prison.

8) More Bad Luck For Skynyrd - Their keyboardist Billy Powell dies.

9) Skipknot Tragedy - A concertgoer dies at one of their shows.

10) Spicy Marriage - Geri Halliwell is tying the knot.

772 Comments

1. __A_YAHOO_USER__ -
Again, most of this seems like aimless gossip. Yes, it sucks that women's weights are printed as news (unless it is above 1000 pounds, and talks about the dangers of bad eating habits).

And it sucks that Billy & Martyn died. Damn. That DOES suck. And that death from the Slipknot fan, though if he had heart problems, isn't it a bit...um...foolish to go to a metal concert? And a shock metal one at that?

2. Yahoo! Music User -
leave michael alone, michael isnt a fallen idol, he still has lots of fans im one of the many, I hope michael and John Landis will be able to sort things out. I also agree with jessica simpsons sister, its not fair to attack someone based on there weight, unfair unfair, unfair. Strange how people always want to find out about who paul mccartnney is with. LOL
paul mccartney is cool to. I like the song paul and michael jackson did together, SAY SAY SAY

3. Yahoo! Music User -
I'm not a musical fan of Jessica Simpson, but would you idiots in the media stop beating up female celebs about their weight? If her man Romo had gained a few more love handles, no one would have said a word. It's this kind of scrutiny that causes so many women to stick their fingers down their throat.

4. Yahoo! Music User -
i hate jesica simpson so i really dont care but the end of wut thay said about jess wuz just racist

5. Jingleman -
OMG did an online poll and only 14% of the people participating thought Jessica was overweight. Pretty small percentage for people to be making such a big deal about it. I think she looks good, and the media - INCLUDING YOU, need to move on to something else.

6. jimiq -
my payroll check just bounced. That's what I'm worried about.

7. Deborah -
Jessica's weight is fine, and if Paul is happy, who cares what the rest of the world thinks? Good luck to both Kellys in their careers, I think they're both awesome. Michael...well, I won't touch that one.

8. Geneva -
So I guess you people would rather see her sick and like a stick figure, then ya'll be complaining about that too, seems you can't seem to please anyone these days, people are just so fickle!

9. Tim -
let those with no problems rave on, the fest shut the hell up.

10. munkeydancel -
So what Jessica had a pair of unflattering jeans that made her look "fat" it is really sad that people focus on "weight gain" there is no way she is fat, just curvy !!!!!

11. Dana -
personally I dont care what anyone says dont care what people look like. I'm just happy for Kelly.

12. Candis -
Jessica Simpson looks good as always. She has put some weight on BUT IT JUST MAKES HER MORE OF A WOMAN NOW! She looks damn good.....maybe we should take a poll on the people that voted! Most of the people that voted are probably home feeding their faces full of FOOD! Give the woman a break.....maybe the outfit wasn't that great................. but we are all entitled to mistakes! By the way I LOVE THAT COME ON OVER VIDEO!

13. veronica -
the media needs to stop covering bull [profane], Jessica Simpson looks like a normal girl, enough of this Hollywood weight bull [profane], real woman dont look like sticks

14. matte -
i think jessica is smokin hot and id marry her no matter what!!

15. zach f -
being fat, no problem (oprah). large weight gains are a problem and jess is about three times as big as dukes of hazzard jess. what a PIG

16. Holly -
i say she has put out some weight since her first song "come on over" she looked good in that video but now she is not lookin her best.

17. john l -
she looks good to me...i love it

18. Annie -
My fiance just got laid off and we have two children. My condolences to Jessica on the weight gain, my kids wont be able to eat but sorry to hear she is up to 110 these days!

19. MarkH -
You people posting messages like, 'it's not fair to scrutinize women's looks' are just plain clueless!!!! Sure, it's not right, but in the media, the music business, & Hollywood - that is the #1 rule. As if 90% of the women there got there on talent. What a joke! Also, for those coming to their defense, they don't need you to!!!!!! Oh, by the way, if looks aren't important, why do women wear makeup? Men don't!

20. Athanasius -
~"i hate jesica simpson so i really dont care but the end of wut thay said about jess *wuz just racist"~

Only a racist would make a comment like that...and feed the fire of hate...very sad..
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