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This was a fast and furious week indeed. Etta was furious with Beyonce, Bruce was furious with Ticketmaster, the entire Asian-American population was furious with Miley, and Cramps fans were furious with the Grim Reaper for taking away the band's frontman, Lux Interior, way too soon.

First, let's talk about one of the most unlikely celebrity feuds in all of music, the one that exploded this week between legendary jazz singer Etta James and the woman who played Etta in Cadillac Records, Beyonce. Now, we're not sure if Etta was displeased with Beyonce's portrayal of her in that film, but we are sure that she was unhappy with Beyonce's performance of the classic Etta song "At Last" at Barack Obama's inauguration last month. Etta made her displeasure abundantly clear last Wednesday, when--before performing "At Last" at Seattle's Paramount Theater--she launched into a shocking anti-Beyonce tirade.

"You know that woman he had singing for him, singing my song, she's going to get her a** whipped," Etta declared, before she then verbally attacked President Obama himself, referring to him as "your president...the one with the big ears," and adding, "He's not my president." Etta also said she "could not stand" Beyonce.

Whoa. "At Last" is right. At last, we have reported the oddest feud in all of R&B. 50 Cent and Rick Ross--sure, we expect that sort of beef. But Beyonce and Etta James? We didn't see that one coming.

Another angry celebrity in the news this week was Bruce Springsteen. Sure, he was in a fabulous mood last Sunday, performing feelgood anthems like "Glory Days" and "Working On A Dream" for trillions of people at the Super Bowl (and at Barack's Lincoln Memorial inauguration concert a couple weeks before that). And his Working On A Dream album debuted on the Billboard chart at number one, too. But by Wednesday, the Boss was very cross. The target of Bruce's wrath was Ticketmaster, after sales for his upcoming concerts at Meadowlands in his home state of New Jersey were thwarted by an error message on the TM website. Apparently when some fans tried to buy Bruce tickets, they instead received an ad for Ticketmaster subsidiary TicketsNow, offering tickets at hugely inflated prices. Bruce was not happy, and he blasted Ticketmaster and TicketsNow in a message on his official website. Ticketmaster CEO Irving Azoff did quickly issue an apology to Bruce and his frustrated fans, claiming it was a technical glitch, but New Jersey U.S. Representative Bill Pascrell still asked the Federal Trade Commission and Justice Department to investigate possible conflicts of interest between Ticketmaster and TicketsNow. The New Jersey attorney general's office is also investigating whether Ticketmaster violated any consumer fraud or scalping laws.

So Ticketmaster may have (inadvertently or not) infuriated thousands of Bruce buffs, but tween star Miley Cyrus managed to infuriate the entire Asian race this week, when photos of her and her underwear-model boyfriend Justin Gaston--in which they were supposedly rudely ridiculing Asians by making goofy slant-eyed faces--popped up online. Various advocacy groups, including the Organization Of Chinese Americans, demanded an apology...but when Miley finally responded to the post-photo fallout, she didn't seem really all that apologetic at all. Instead, Miley went on the defensive, claiming she was not being racist whatsoever and that the pics were taken out of context and misunderstood.

"In NO way was I making fun of any ethnicity!" she angrily and somewhat ungrammatically blogged. "I was simply making a goofy face. When did that become newsworthy? It seems someone is trying to make something out of nothing to me. If that would have been anyone else, it would have been overlooked! I definitely feel like the press is trying to make me out as the new 'BAD GIRL'! I feel like now that Britney is back on top of her game again, they need someone to pick on! Lucky me! haha Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know what is on my heart. You guys know me and have been by my side every step of the way! You guys know my heart and know the most important things to me are my friends, family, fans and GOD! In NO WAY do I want to disappoint any of you! But, when I have made mistakes in the past, I feel like Ive owned up to them and apologized." [sic sic sic...]

Hmmm. We wonder if the Asian-American community will add this transgression to their list of seven things they hate about Miley...

Meanwhile, thespian Joaquin Phoenix probably angered the nation's hip-hop community, and the Hollywood community, by confirming that he has given up acting to concentrate on a rap career. No, not a country or rock career--that would at least make sense, given his Oscar-nominated role in the Johnny Cash biopic Walk The Line--but a RAP career, people. A viral video of a bearded, scruffy Joaquin's debut rap performance at a Vegas nightclub has not impressed most of those unlucky enough to have seen it (he falls off the stage, for one thing). And it's been a subject of ongoing debate in the blogosphere whether this new MC persona is actually just an elaborate ruse, some sort of promotion for an upcoming Joaquin film in which he plays an aspiring rapper.

But Joaquin remains undeterred, still plans to pursue his hip-hop dream, and insists this is all legit.

"There's not a hoax," Joaquin told the press. "Might I be ridiculous? Might my career in music be laughable? Yeah, that's possible, but that's certainly not my intention."

Joaquin--whose transition from acting to music is being covered in a documentary (or maybe a mockumentary, depending on whether or not you believe Joaquin's story) shot by Casey Affleck, Ben's younger brother--also claimed that many of the clubbers who witnessed his Vegas performance firsthand were impressed by what they saw. "My experience afterward was I had a lot of dudes come up and say, 'We really respect you for doing it, putting yourself out there, and going with it.' Because I think true hip-hop heads know that it's hard, it's going to be a hard transition, and people are going to be lining up just to make fun of me."

Well, watch this and then get in line, everybody:

And finally, in much less laughable news, Lux Interior, lead singer for the legendary underground punkabilly band the Cramps, passed away this week at age 62 from a longstanding heart condition. "Lux was a fearless frontman who transformed every stage he stepped on into a place of passion, abandon, and true freedom. He is a rare icon who will be missed dearly," the Cramps' publicist said in an official statement. Lux will be dearly missed, and we send our condolences to his bandmate and soulmate of more than 30 years, guitar-wielding vixen Ivy Rorschach. Their partnership was one of the great rock 'n' roll romances of the ages.

And on that sad note, thus concludes another week in music news. Come back next Friday for more headspinning headlines (including plenty of Grammy reportage), and until then--goodnight, and good music.

THIS WEEK'S TOP 1O STORIES:

1) Lux Interior Goes Exterior - The Cramps frontman dies at age 62.

2) The Boss Is Cross - Bruce Springsteen feuds with Ticketmaster.

3) Miley's Slanted Story - Cyrus is accused of making fun of Asians' eyes.

4) Ring The Alarm! - Etta James is furious with Beyonce.

5) Twitter-Patter Of Little Feet - Erykah Badu twitters to the world as her baby is being born.

6) Joaquin Phoenix Walks The Line Of Sanity - He's giving up acting to become...a rapper???

7) Britney To Tour With Her Tykes? - K-Fed isn't quite sure if Sean Preston and Jayden James should join their mom on the road.

8) Black Eyed Pea's Brother Murdered - apl.de.ap's sibling is tragically gunned down in the Philippines.

9) Get Rich Or Get Tossed Out Of Court Trying - An ex-girlfriend's $50 million lawsuit against 50 Cent is rejected by a judge.

10) Tommy Lee, Air Head - The Motley man's helicopter joyride is ruined by sky cops.