Coachella is always something of a pilgrimage. Music fans fly in from around the world for three days in the destructive desert sun to partake in five stages' worth of mayhem. This year's highlights include Prince, Portishead, Raconteurs, M.I.A. and a whole bunch of French ravers. But the desert is not for the meek. If it were, there'd be an extra "S" and we'd be enjoying Uffie covered in chocolate syrup (although, that might happen anyway). The competing line-ups, greasy food, bottle-hunting recyclers, life-sucking sun, oppressive heat and ear exhaustion don't add up to a batch of cupcakes...so here are 10 tips for surviving Coachella.

1) Make a Schedule: Highlight those choices that you need to see and stick to it. Read URB.com's highlights if the line-up still seems a little foreign to you.

2) Own Your Choices: With five stages, numerous dance tents and an untold number of sunbathing cuties, it's easy to fall victim to the greener grass on the fence's other side. Say you're waiting for Diplo to start spinning on Friday evening--and this is purely hypothetical because the schedule hasn't been released yet--and the waiting is taking too damn long. There's a tendency to get antsy and attempt to catch "five minutes of Cut Copy." You'll lose. 99% of the time. You'll have nowhere to stand on the Cut Copy periphery and you'll end up missing Diplo's killer opener. That said, if Diplo starts spinning the same set you heard him slap together in LA a month ago, get out and get out quick. Beeline across the field and see something new.

3) Find the Pockets: This goes for all large outdoor festivals. There are always spacious people-free pockets dispersed throughout and these are unequivocally the most enjoyable locations to take in the music. If you can make your way through enough of the shoulder-to-shoulder packs, there's bound to be a less-densely populated portion that'll allow you some oxygen and a decent view.

4) Hydrate & Shade-iate: It may sound like some real mom ish, but drink those fluids (and not just beer!). This is a desert people! It will kick you in the stomach and drop bone-dry rainmakers on your grounded and shriveling body. And while shade is limited, it is accessible. Take advantage of it, even if it means missing part of someone's set.

5) Read URB's Oral History of Coachella: This isn't merely self-promotion. URB's Coachella issue from 2007 offers a great guide on the festival's historic nature. You'll appreciate the present a whole lot more by understanding the past.

6) Go It Alone: Just because your friends want to check Jack Johnson, does not mean you should stand and wallow with them if you'd rather rock to Midnight Juggernauts. (Again, hypothetical with the schedule.) Watching some act you despise just to be social will leave your soul with an impending ache of doom that can never be recovered.

7) Eat the Falafel: Easily the safest food on the site year after year, it's also one of the lightest. While you'll no doubt be lured to the garlic fries, their greasy goodness will not healthily sustain you for three days. URB editor Joshua Glazer says "Spicy Pie Pizza" is good for reasons he "can not explain." However, take that with a grain/7 tbsp of salt.

8) Download DJ John Beaver's Mix: For five years running, DJ John Beaver has compiled a day-by-day breakdown of Coachella's acts. Since a large portion of the festival travels down from LA, the traffic is always fierce. You'll need this three-disc primer to make the ride a sane one.

9) Watch Daft Punk's 2006 Performance: Perhaps only The Pixies' reunion in 2004 did more for Coachella's lore than this 60-minute barn burner from a pair of French robots. There's also no computing what it did for contemporary indie music culture (we see you Justice).

10) Stop by URB's Booth: As the only on-field magazine, URB will have plenty of reading material for your downtime, as well as a photobooth opportunity to make your memories digital. And for those not on-site for Coachella 2008, our virtual booth at URB.com will be flooded with photos, recaps and interviews from our sweaty staff.

(Unfortunately, URB will be using the VIP bathrooms, so there really is no helping those of you stuck in line (or in the muck) of the site's notorious porta-potties.)