Music Blogs

I'm too old to be watching BET's 106 & Park. But watch it I do, at least when it's on and I'm aimlessly in front of the television set. (And yes, I still call it a "television set" because my vernacular is vintage and nobody likes to hear about your HD-TV.) But over the weekend I was blessed enough to catch six minutes and the video debut of "Crank Dat Batman" by the Pop It Off Boyz. And even as I watched 106 & Park, a show that by its mere nature suspends my quotient of disbelief, I was forced to ask myself, "Is that even possible? Is hip-hop's incessant biting this lazy?"

I'm not even one of these dude's who hates on Soulja Boy Tell'Em. "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" is way better than "La Macarena" and I'll take those steel drums and a rumbling chant over the "Electric Slide" any day because Soulja Boy Tell'em Dot Com is not trying to be Nas. Even if the hip-hop purists roll in their record sale graves while decrying the existence of "Crank That" as utter sacrilege. What these purists refuse to realize is that the most downloaded song in the history of the world is not even rap. He's hardly saying words.

But there was at least a slice of originality in "Crank That (Soulja Boy)." There's mystery in non sequiturs like "superman dat ho." What could it possibly mean? Rumors say it's a boyish prank involving a "glued on" blanket to the nape of a girl's neck, while common sense says it's just a dance move that looks like a threat for domestic violence (ie, lurching forward like you could fight someone). But cranking dat batman? It sounds like a love song to Soulja Boy Tell'Em MySpace Dot Com Back Slash Crank Dat Dot Com.

At its very least, "Crank Dat" is the most funnest Bat Mitzvah song in well over a decade. At its best, it's the most banana-est marketing plan in recent music memory. YouTube Soulja Boy Dot MySpace Dot Com Tell'em named his album his website, took ringtone rap to platinum-plus heights and allowed, rather than sued, anyone with a computer to make a video for his song with whatever pseudo-laughable visuals they could dig up...creating the most viral epidemic in our Web 2.0 world.

It makes perfect ....but is Universal Records really 100% serious in releasing "Crank Dat Batman"?

I don't blame Pop It Off Boyz, they look about 15 and totally psyched to be doing the baseball bat dance--even without steel drums--but Jesus, what a disaster. Everything is such a blatant reference to Soulja Boy Tell'Em Dot Com that I can't help but anticipate Barney and Big Bird supermanning dat ho. It brings all the humor of white people dancing to rap on YouTube to actual television (at least the four and a half minutes of 106 & Park last week). There's even a slide in the dance step directionals!

The history of blatant photocopying by musical artists is a long one and it only seems to be getting worse. A few years ago, snap music was the craze and laffy taffy groups were fighting over who leaned wit it first and who rocked it second, but they at least cared about starting something. Cranking Dat Batman? That doesn't even seem like prankful innuendo or a playful threat for domestic abuse.