It used to be that we only had competing phone plans to get confused by. Now we have the added burden of sorting out competing phone duets. And by the same partners, to boot. Lady Gaga has a brand new tune called "Telephone" that brandishes Beyonce as a guest artist. Meanwhile, Beyonce has a brand new remix of "Videophone" that sports Lady Gaga as her guest. Got that straight? Good, 'cause we don't. These two single ladies seem to be operating off that old show-business maxim: When in doubt, confuse the consumer!

Either it never dawned on B and Gaga that the simultaneous release of twin telephonic-hookup tunes would lead to considerable bafflement about which tune is which, or—immeasurably more likely—they were counting on media outlets to make hay of these dueling duets. Maybe they even assumed we'd put up online polls asking fans which song is better. Far be it from us to fall into their evil trap, but... okay, which entry in these phone follies do you prefer?

In one corner, complete with a lavish, Hype Williams-directed music video, is "Videophone (Extended Mix)," from the re-release of I Am... Sasha Fierce, due in stores Nov. 23. It's all Beyonce for a while, but eventually Lady Gaga joins Ms. Knowles to hoof it up for a couple of minutes of choreography as well as fierce harmonizing. As you'll see:

At the beginning, we have the Reservoir Dogs homage, with Beyonce wearing a mask on the way to a presumed heist—as if the bank tellers wouldn't recognize those shiny legs anywhere. Where's a cleavage mask when a woman needs one? But the robbery is apparently called off as Beyonce moves on to simply stealing '50s pinup Bettie Page's look. (From the neck up, anyway; one look at the real Bettie's fleshy body would send Beyonce back to the gym for another five hours of Pilates.) Then comes the fashion equivalent of the kitchen sink, with a succession of remarkable Day-Glo outfits, and... hey, it's Lady Gaga, looking strangely naked without some kind of beekeeper's hood over her face. (Not to mention the glaring lack of blood.) 

Iin the other corner, we have "Telephone," a Rodney Jerkins-produced stomper from Lady Gaga's The Fame Monster, an eight-song collection that's also due out Nov. 24. Here, Beyonce pops in to return the favor (or mutual exploitation). No video for this one as of yet, but you can listen to the new song here:

Maybe it's because the lack of a video for Gaga's "Telephone" leaves more to the imagination, but if this were a contest, I'd have to say her tune trumps Beyonce's. It's not just that Jerkins has come up with such a feisty track, but that Gaga has the 'tude to go with it.

Beyonce's "Videophone" is a celebration of Skype sex and putting on a solo show, on camera, for a guy you just met at the club. In the age of easy Rapidshare file sharing, do people still do that? (Maybe we should let Carrie Prejean answer that.) Anyway, there's something about phone-sex songs that already seemed a little old by the time ‘N Sync did "Digital Getdown" in 2000, and even Beyonce's greatest promises of unbridled exhibitionism can't quite make the genre feel fresh.

Lady Gaga's attitude toward the phone is quite different: Screw texting (let alone carnal videoconferencing), she seems to be saying... let's dance. Her "Telephone" track is a plea to a repeat-dialer who's stalking her at the club to be left alone to party, and it somehow manages to fuse anger with disco determination. It's slightly ironic that a call to lay down our smartphones will end up being a ring-tone sensation. But in encouraging nightclub-goers to hang up and dance, Lady Gaga's my kind of Luddite.

What's your verdict on which particular version of this pairing works best—"Telephone," or "Videophone"? Which diva comes off better in one or both tracks—Lady Gaga, Beyonce, or Ma Bell?

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Watch Beyoncé Perform "Single Ladies" Live

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